Bristol Palin is Dating Who?

The National Enquirer is reporting that Bristol Palin is dating Disney actor, Kyle Massey. The two met while filming Dancing with the Stars...A high school drop out, baby mama at 17, and now a negro lover....looks like Sarah Palin's tea party is now a kool-aid party!

Aretha Franklin Diagnosed With Cancer

The National Enquirer reports that famed singer Aretha Franklin has incurable pancreatic cancer. The illness required Aretha to undergo emergency surgery last week....Wow, this is sad news. I hope the Queen of Soul makes it through. On the bright side, she's finally found a diet that will work!

Nick and Vanessa Are Engaged

The National Enquirer is reporting that Nick Lachey and and long time girlfriend, Vanessa Minnilo are engaged to be married. This will mark Lachey's second time down the aisle....if you can recall, he was previously married to a f*cking idiot!

Wife Beater

After John Edwards was caught cheating on his wife, fathering an illegitimate kid, making a sex tape, and stealing money from his wife, there are new accusations claiming John also beat his cancer stricken wife.....wow, sounds like he could have a great rap career!

Sex Rehab

National Enquirer scored the first pictures of Tiger Woods at a sex rehab clinic in Hattiesburg, Mississippi. According to one sex therapist, the first thing that Tiger must do while in therapy, is pick a word or quote that immediately curbs his taste for sex....hmmm, how bout' "lookin' like a fool with your pants on the ground, get em' up" General Larry Platt!

Fender Bender

As most already know, Tiger Woods, was involved in a minor accident outside of his home over Thanksgiving. It's been alleged that Tiger's wife beat him with his golf club after learning of an affair...watch out Tiger, looks like your wife has her first Major win!

All Hail The Queen

Leave it to the National Enquirer to have skeleton bones falling out your ass. Queen Latifah and more than a dozen of her girlfriends were entertained by the ugliest female strippers. A source told the Enquirer, "Queen Latifah is part of a regular group, and she was egging on the strippers to be as outrageous as they could be."....regular group?...wow, book clubs are a changing!